How was Captain Janeway week for me?


Janeway coffee mug from CafePress and Amazon UK

So how did the Captain Janeway themed diet go for me? It was great! I was hungry, but it was fun too. I lost a lot of weight, some of it briefly, got a haircut, and got some of my clothes ironed too. Fantastic!

  • Beginning weight: 222.8 lbs.
  • Day 4: 215.2 lbs. This makes me either doubt my scales or wonder if I was wearing something especially heavy the first time – but still, great! We’ll see how it is at the end of the week, perhaps somewhere in between, which would be fine.
  • Ending weight: 213.2 lbs

Day 1:

I make porridge (oatmeal) for breakfast. I have 3 boys to feed, so I can’t make it all horrible, but I tell them what I’m doing, and they think it is hilarious, watching with great enthusiasm as I add cinnamon (which I hate) to mine, along with raisins (not keen either). I manage about 6 spoonfuls out of hunger before finding it too disgusting to go on. I make myself a litre of organic cafetiere (French press) coffee, put on some square heeled shoes, and stride around like a captain. The kids love it!

I make us all toast with a tin of mackerel for lunch. I wonder if it’s possible to add too much Sriracha sauce to that? Turns out it is! About half a centimetre all over the toast, and my face is sweating. The kids think this is the best diet ever. ‘Do we have to do it too? Can I try some? Is it as hot as that ghost chili sauce?’

I take the older kids to their various activities, then try to get the little one down for a nap. No such luck. I switch from coffee to a pint mug of Earl Grey tea, then take my oldest son to his acting class and back.

I make rice with fish and vegetables for dinner. Then I cover mine with chilli garlic sauce (the strong stuff, NOT the sweet chilli dipping sauce, which I could eat by the spoonful!) I almost finish the bowl anyway. Then I take a can of seltzer for a walk around the block, and go to bed with some chamomile tea.

Day 2:

Every so often I feel guilty about the dairy industry and buy some almond milk. Then it stays in the fridge for ages, being used in the occasional cheese sauce or rice pudding, because none of us actually like it much. So onto my Cheerios it goes! I manage about a third of a bowlful, which is probably closer to the amount I should be eating anyway, since our bowls are big.

Coffee, coffee, coffee!

Photo credit: thedailyenglishshow

I make us some carrot and coriander soup for lunch, but I don’t eat the bread and cheese I would usually have with it to make it nicer. Then I take the kids out to their activities again, and get on with some housework with my little one in tow.

My oldest son needs some treats for the rest of the kids he’s doing an improv comedy show with tomorrow. The only thing I can think of that I have ingredients for is chocolate chip cookies, which would normally be a severe pitfall for me, but Captain Janeway bad cooking week gives me a plan!

Most Americans love vanilla, but I don’t like it, and my cookie recipe is American so it has a lot of vanilla in it. (Seriously, growing up, my cake and cookie recipes would say a couple of drops of vanilla, whereas here they say a teaspoon, or even a tablespoon, and I would usually cut most of it out).

So this time I actually use all the vanilla it says it the recipe, and it works! I eat one cookie and think ‘ugh, vanilla’. Then I put most of them away for tomorrow.

I heat up baked beans and make toast for dinner, and polish our shoes while microwaving some unappealing looking veggie sausages to go with it. I have mine with some spicy barbecue sauce, and then go out with a can of seltzer for a walk to the park and back. That works!

Day 3

My oldest son needs to cook a meal for his library summer reading challenge (I know, what??), so he makes us each a scrambled egg and half a piece of toast for breakfast. Very nice and peppery, in fact not bad cooking at all!

I’ve often noticed that it’s on the third day of diets that I usually start losing weight, so I try to remember this as I do feel hungrier today. Or could it be that my kids are fighting and bouncing off the walls all morning, so I don’t get round to making my enormous pot of coffee today?

We have carrot and coriander soup for lunch again, leftover from yesterday. It’s my kids’ shows this afternoon, and I’ve invited friends for dinner so I manage only to have one of the too-vanilla cookies and 4 cheetos at their party, which I think is ok. Cheetos are mostly air, right?

Dinner with friends is another challenge to plan for. We usually make fish tacos on Friday nights, and I realise that this is quite manageable on a diet, since it’s mostly a collection of things you assemble yourself. So I have two, each with one ‘crispy fish tender’, and load them up with the white cabbage, iceberg lettuce (something I usually think of as pointless), cut up chillis, cilantro, lime juice, green salsa, and only one spoonful of guacamole (my favourite thing) in total. Everything is nice, but I feel like it’s the cabbage that’s really making it work: something I wouldn’t normally like much but it’s actually nice and crunchy in this, and takes up a lot of space while not being fattening.

I also manage to stick to only 2 glasses of white wine and a couple of tortilla chips, which is pretty good for me 🙂

Day 4

I make a slightly less nice variation of the 2 pieces of toast I would normally have for breakfast: I just don’t put butter on one of them.

I’ve noticed I seem to be veering off my plan by making things I like again, although I do have the feeling it’s going quite well since my stomach feels flatter. I go and weigh myself to see how it’s going – WOW! This really is working!

Back on track, I have a bath to celebrate (uninterrupted by Q). Then I get out all our clothes that need ironing, and wonder when I can fit in a haircut. Note: I don’t actually IRON the clothes, obviously.

The cabbage tacos work their magic for lunch again, and then I have to make a side dish for a 1st birthday barbecue we’re going to. I make a green salad instead of the rich potato salad I’d been planning to bring. Sadly, I can’t think of many diets where potato salad is ok, or at least not much of it. I’m not a fan of salad in general, but I do add some nice things to it: tomatoes, spring onions, mini peppers (on sale in King Soopers at the moment), avocado chunks and roasted sunflower seeds. I seem to have messed up on my plan and made it quite nice after all, but you can’t take a horrible side dish to a birthday party, can you?!

Day 5

I have the supermarket own brand version of that crunchy ‘Grape Nuts’ cereal for breakfast, with the rest of the almond milk, and then wonder if actual Grape Nuts would have stayed crunchy for longer. I’m surprised to see the serving size is only half a cup, so I try measuring that out and then I’m surprised again to find that’s actually more than I gave myself without measuring. It reminds me a bit of that cat litter episode in Ren and Stimpy (‘stays crunchy, even in milk!’) And it turns out to be slightly more than I’ll eat.


I bought some ‘Power Greens’ salad leaves from the supermarket for lunch today, thinking:

1) Power Greens sound very Captain-like, and
2) I bought something similar from Whole Foods Market once and found the leaves very bitter, with bristly stems. (I bought extra normal salad for the family, just in case).

But this Power Salad, though still a little bitter, was actually quite nice.

As it was Father’s Day, we went out for the afternoon, to a surprisingly good dinosaur museum 🙂

Then we got lost on the way back trying to avoid a traffic jam, and my can of seltzer wouldn’t cut it. We took my oldest son to a supermarket to use the bathroom and I stocked up with a bag of mini carrots, which I really don’t like at all. But my toddler and I were each hungry enough to eat some, along with my husband, who is the kind of naturally thin weirdo who actually likes that stuff. Happy Father’s Day!

We ended up going out for pizza: not an ideal diet food, but by sharing one big pizza and not choosing any of the toppings I managed to only have one piece, one ‘garlic knot’, and a little bit of my toddler’s piece. (He preferred the garlic knots: I don’t usually steal his food!). And as it turned out, the restaurant didn’t have their liquor license for another month, and we don’t like soda, so just water for the table please! And a couple of spoonfuls of cheesecake, which disappears fast when little boys are sharing it 🙂

Day 6

1 1/2 pieces of burnt toast for breakfast, an accidentally good start to the day 🙂

About halfway throught the morning I notice I’m feeling very jittery, a bit depressed, and almost panic stricken about not liking the camera my husband gave ame a couple of months ago (huh?). I think I might not be able to keep up with this much coffee drinking – thankfully it’s not for much longer!

Power greens salad for lunch again. For a while I think I’ve messed up by putting nice things on it again, but then I dress it with too much cider vinegar 🙂

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner, in honour of the time Captain Janeway destroyed her pot roast so badly she served those instead.

Day 7

Breakfast: toast again!

I run some errands and finally fit in the haircut.

In the supermarket, I realise I’ve missed my coffee, so I try Diet Coke, but find it not as good.

But I do find collard greens and mustard greens, neither of which I like much, reduced for quick sale, and I buy them to make one of my husband’s favourite dishes that I don’t like as the final luch of Captain Janeway week: fish with greens, soy sauce and garlic.

Welsh Rarebit for dinner, as it’s Captain Janeway’s favourite, and hooray, something I like too 🙂 And as a final attempt to ruin dinner, I leave the room to fetch something and my toddler tips the mixture on the kitchen floor. What a helper!

Then I finally fit in some ironing.

So, how was Captain Janeway week for me?

It was great! I did feel hungry, and faint at times, but I lost 9.6 lbs, which is unheard of for me. I also got a haircut, painted my nails and did some ironing. Fantastic!

Sadly, it didn’t last at dinner the next day, when we got Omaha Steaks that my mother in law sent my husband for Father’s Day, and I went demob-happy.

But it was back on track with next week’s Alien-inspired diet the morning after that.

I liked the Captain Janeway diet. It was funny at times, I got to be inspired by one of my TV heroes, and the coffee was really good (though I’m relieved not to drink so much of it any more!). And the striding commandingly worked wonders on my morale and amused the kids too.


There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and never abandon a member of your crew

Captain Kathryn Janeway, USS Voyager



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